5 embarrassing social media statuses that no longer apply to my life

If you’re unfamiliar with Timehop, it’s a smartphone app that lets you delve into your sordid past via social media, reminding you what inexplicable nonsense you were sharing with the world exactly one year ago. Or two. Or three.

You get the idea.

ck

This is how Timehop reminds me of what I really am

Timehop is a blessing and a curse. More often than not, I’m cringing like a vegan in a meat factory as I reluctantly scroll through embarrassing past statuses or photos that for some reason I thought were appropriate to share with 300+ people.

For example, here’s a sample of my irrefutable genius from three years ago this Saturday:

timehop

Humiliating status updates aside, Timehop is a constant reminder that one moment you may be waking up with a $50 hotel room surcharge in Las Vegas, but the next, you might be painting a nursery and researching the effectiveness of Pampers VS Huggies.

Life, man.

In the spirit of nostalgia, reminiscence and my penchant for having absolutely no shame, I present 5 embarrassing social media statuses that no longer apply to my life.

1) This terrible joke

status

2) This tweet I retweeted because I am unoriginal

tweet

3) Running, and sharing my runs on social media because I’m a monster

running

4) Being a debilitating alcoholic

beer

5) Appearing attractive to the opposite sex

vic

6) Bonus material: this was never shared on social media (until now), but this one actually applies. Ugh.

IMG_8120[1]

Yes, on the weekend,  I ripped a hole in my pants. I thought that only happened to cartoon characters.

spongebob-ripped-pants-o

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